Returned To Sender

What an awful trip back. 4 days in Kuwait with nothing to do (although that was ok by me), but then they lost my bags on the way to Georgia, ran me through a painfully inefficient outprocessing, and shipped me on home with 15 minutes notice that my ride to the airport was leaving. Plus, I got in right around midnight after my flight was delayed, so poor Josh and Laura were forced to stay up late to retrieve/entertain me. [Thanks guys!] If I did not have such a nice goal waiting for me, [getting to come home and being done with Army], it would have been intolerable.

It really is surprising how hard it is to let go of the whole thing. From the people who I will miss, to turning over my section that I was in charge of to someone else, I think I developed stronger ties than I realized. Well, I think I can find some distraction in trying to find a job, find a place to live (and choose a city, for that matter.) Any suggestions?

For those who are interested- I got my Army awards too. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing. Anyone who does not know what I am talking about should clearly start watching Arrested Development.


Ciao! -(Non-Combat) Pat

It's The Final Countdown!

I have left Afghanistan for the last time (we hope!) Now it is a little while in Kuwait, a little while in Georgia, and then it is all done. Yay!

See you soooooon!

Wonderful news! Barring anything truly ridiculous, I will be home by Christmas! Yay! The replacement me is on the way here (but let's be honest, who could ever replace me?) and we are making the arrangements to come back to the states. I will still have to go through Kuwait and Fort Benning, GA again, so I don't have an exact date, but I do know it will be after the middle of the month, but before Christmas.

One note, I will not be here all that much longer, so if anyone has any more mail to send, if it is not on the way already, I would just hold onto it so I do not pass by it in transit. Now if I can just find some way to send this land mine home as a souvenir...

Ah Qatar!

Now some might think that, like there is no crying in baseball, there is no vacation in war, but let me assure you, there is, and mine was spent in a place where the beer flows like wine- Qatar.

Even if this had only been a chance to not work and wear civilian clothes for four days, it would have been awesome, but they do not stop there. With a three beer a day ration and fun little trips you can sign up for, clearly they can only get people to leave by force. I chose the "go to the beach trip."
It started off with a trek across the sand dunes at a pace which can only be described as "ludicrous." I believe at one point, we went plaid. This experience was made all the more interesting by being in the not- really- secured-to-the-floor backseat.





Then, we crested the last dune to see the Persian Gulf below. I went swimming, got stung by a jellyfish (a little one, so it barely even registered), played a little volleyball (with the tour guides who took it a little too seriously) and ate kabobs for lunch. It was a just plain nice day.

















The next day I ran into a friend of mine that I was stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas with last time I was doing this Army gig. She is stationed in Qatar, which means she was allowed to take me off post. We went to the mall (exciting, I know!) and while it was really just like one in the states in so many ways, it was so very different. The men in their white robes, the women in their black burquas, all the signs being in English and Arabic, but with the same logos and models. Very surreal. To clear my head, I decided to go to the indoor ice skating rink.
Which is next to the camel ferris wheel.

Another odd thing about Qatar? The population is only about 30% Qatari, the rest being third country nationals, mostly from India and the Philippines, who do all the work. And instead of income tax? The government pays the Qataris a certain percentage of the oil revenue each year.Oh, and along the way? I saw this giant oyster.
Awesome.

I think that sums it all up- feel free to create your own moral to the story.Bye!

I'm a hero...

...but not like from the show.

So you know how I was working my butt off? Well, someone noticed. I think the best line of this is "cheerfully accepted the challenge." Not only did I get this MVP of the week-type thing, I got a real award too- an Army Achievement Medal that I can wear on my dress uniform and everything.

Another thing in the military is commander's coins. Well, my boss got new ones made and I got the first one. This is what they look like. Yes, yes, it is the previously unseen trifecta of Army goodness. As Gluck would say, "Without me, it is just aweso."



In other good news, while previously me making it home before Christmas was just not going to happen? Now, it has a chance. This is not to say that it WILL, it is just that it COULD. I'll know more in another month, and I'll keep you all updated.

Take care! -Pat

100 Hours Later

This is a formal apology to all those people that have written me emails or sent me mail in the last week or so. I just finished a week where I worked 100 hours. No, there was no balloon drop or flashing lights when I hit that milestone, just me falling asleep at my desk.

It is unlikely that this situation will get much better very soon- the reason I am doing so much is, in addition to my normal job, I am filling in for someone else who waited this long to go on vacation. (I think I would have gone quite mad if I had waited through 9 months of this place to take a break.) So, along with the group apology, I will also do a group thank you. Thank you! And I will be in touch soon. -Pat

US Army- So Easy A Caveman Can Do It

Hee hee. And below is me receiving what I like to call a Certificate of Respiration from a 4 star General. It is really a Certificate of Appreciation, but it was given to just about everyone that has managed to keep breathing, so meh.I know it has been a really long time since my last update, so I hope no one was worried. It is just that if I thought I was busy before, now it is about triple. Apparently I did something right once so they decided to see just how many things I can handle all at once. As of one day next week, I will be: Acting Commander, Acting Executive Officer, Communications Officer, and project lead on three major operations. I should have known this would happen if I kept telling them how awesome I am.






Also, I have been traveling a bunch too. Here is a picture out the tailgate of a Chinook helicopter that I took a flight on. (I am aware the date stamp is wrong.) That guy is the tail gunner, and he is strapped in with a belt. The other picture is what a Chinook looks like from the outside. To give you an idea of how big it is, that is a Humvee it is picking up.



Our flight was really early in the morning, and then takeoff got delayed, so I actually ended up sleeping on the runway itself while they were prepping the helicopter for the flight. But not to worry, I got to the choppah.

Hope to hear from you soon! -Pat

The Emotional Stages of a 12 Month Deployment

This is the pamphlet that they gave us upon arriving about what to expect while we are here. I had not looked at again until now, and it is awesome. Some is true for me, some not so much, but there is plenty of ridiculousness too. So, instead of me making snide comments all over it, I am going to give you the chance! Just leave your mockery in the comments. There is plenty to make fun of in this, so go nuts. (This is copied verbatim, so all grammar/spelling errors go with a [sic])

1. Honeymoon: Excitement of the NEW! Like going to Disneyland

2. Wilting: Excitement wears off- loneliness- feel the separation from familiar luxuries (the family, civilian clothes, Mini-Van, etc.) One solution: Make sure you make yourself write to family.

3. Leveling: You realize that you're going to live through the tour- begin to adjust and get a routine (get your bearings) Solution: Set goals for work, PT, courses, etc.

4. 4th Month Slump: You're tired of the grind of the 12 to 18 hour days- gets old- physically, emotionally exhausted. You've realized you just can't work the deployment away. You've just got to find something else to do. Solution: Find positive recreational activities- Holy Scripture studies, AA meetings, sports, crafts, movies, music, etc.

5. Midpoint: You know everything is downhill from here. Mid-tour approach- encourage to take a leave/pass even if brief and only in country. Recommend we find some sort of pass program even if it is merely to CAS where a brief refresher can occur so individual can get their second wind.

6. Post Mid Tour Blues: One of the most difficult things you'll ever do is return to the whirlwind workplace (for formal long unaccompanied tour, this is to leave the family a 2nd time.)

7. Topping out: You can see the end- you are a double digit midget.

8. 11th Month Slump: You look back and have to face what you did with past 11 months- will you "tell all" at home; you're a different person than you were 11 months ago- will the family like the new you (fatter, thinner) will you like the new spouse- more independent- must face the changes- scary thinking of going home. Reintegration Reunion training prepares individual to face these issues and think them through and plan.

9. Home After Shock: Re-entry- like going back to real world you have to readjust your vocabulary... understand alcohol tolerance is down... family expectations will be high... different culture verses military only, etc.

Where have I been to?

In answer to some kind peoples' questions, yes, I was able to see the Transformers movie thanks to the wonders of bootlegging. It was actually a really good copy, so I was able to see all the genius of Michael Bay's directorial skills. My review? Well, for a movie about them, there was not nearly enough of the Transformers themselves. I think I was looking for something more like the show where there were some human characters, but they were totally secondary. Also? I loved that one of the main people was a Captain in Qatar. I am going there in a month or two (on a 4 day R and R pass) so I will keep an eye out for robotic scorpions.

I also picked up a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but it was filmed to dark and the camera operator's thumb was over the lens for the first five minutes, so it was more frustrating to watch than anything. Oh well, I will catch it when I get home.




The return flight was a completely different thing than the way down. First, here is the plane that I was on.





Smaller, with windows, and with a tailgate that they left OPEN for the whole flight. Also, the view was amazing because they flew all of 50 feet up. Holy frick! This is not a picture from takeoff, this is 20 minutes into the flight. It was pretty awesome.

That is about it for that trip- I made it back safely, and it was back to work. I was sent back with the first two season of Boston Legal by a guy that works down there. Any fans out there?

=Pat

Where Have I Been?

Salerno! But not the nice one in Italy. The one in sort of Eastern Afghanistan. (Southern? The whole darned place is on a slant, so it is hard to tell) as opposed to... kind of middle Afghanistan like Bagram (which is near Kabul, which is the capital. Remember this for future Scavenger Hunts!)


It was about a half hour flight from Bagram on a C130, the plane of choice for people that jump out of planes. You may notice that there are no windows on the sides of this plane. What that means is that you sit in this steel box and stare at the walls while you bounce all over the sky. So, when we landed and I hopped out of the plane, it was a surprise that we landed on a GRAVEL RUNWAY. I later found out that it is just the taxiway that is gravel, but it was a shock at the time. What else did I have waiting for me? Trees! Woo hoo! This is actually an olive grove in the middle of the base. But my God, the humidity! This is not a desert like Bagram. In fact, it rained most days I was there, at least a little. Hey! I can see Pakistan from here! But do not worry, the bases there are quite safe. This is why they call them bases in Freeze Tag. Salerno is a Forward Operating Base (FOB) but it is really like Bagram lite. They have most of the same stuff, but smaller. Like this Subway shop... truck... thing. That is actually the whole place.

The 82nd Airborne Division Band was playing at the chow hall. No, our meals do not normally have musical accompaniment. This same band was playing at the 10K run I did and at the 500,000th Soldier to go on leave from Kuwait Ceremony. Apparently our fates are linked. But this time? This time they were playing TV show theme songs! On woodwinds! Including the A-Team song! Awesome. Da-dah dah dah... dun dun dun...
(To be continued...)

How Is Being In The Army Like Being A Little Kid?

First, as a kid, you don't get a lot of choice about... well, about much of anything, really. You are going to be told what to wear (UNIFORM), when to get up (MORNING FORMATION) and what to eat (CHOW HALL). You have to make your bed and clean your room (INSPECTIONS.)

If your family is going on vacation somewhere you do not want to go, (DEPLOYMENT) you don't really get much of an option about saying no. Few families are going to go to Afghanistan or Iraq, but the rule is still the same, and the only way you are getting out of it is to do a really good job pretending to be sick. This actually happens more than you might think. Faking a stomachache and licking your palms to make them clammy will probably not cut it. Also, they may send you to the doctors who are about as effective as the School Nurse used to be. You get two options- Motrin and Robitussin. If those can't fix you, you weren't meant to be fixed.

Actually, one of the biggest similarities has to do with how they punish you. First, they might just yell at you and any backtalk will just make it worse. (Choke yourself!) Thankfully in the Army there is generally not a wooden spoon involved (Mom, I am looking in your direction.) But let's say you really get in trouble and they bring you up on charges. At the lowest level, they can give you extra duty, where, after work you have to come back and clean common areas, paint walls or buildings or rocks, or whatever other ideas your temporary jailer comes up with. Kids know this as EXTRA CHORES. Also, they can take a part of your monthly pay. Did any of you ever LOSE YOUR ALLOWANCE for being bad? Does this all sound terribly familiar? Plus, if things are really bad, and you are making things worse by just being around, you may be restricted to quarters, aka GROUNDED.

On the positive side of things, as a kid they do give out shiny things when you do a good job like Gold Stars. This does not end when you enter the military- they have medals!

I think that this should be the next recruiting campaign for the Army. I think it will be especially effective for those who are nostalgic for their childhoods. What do you think?

So, what has changed?

1. We have a new main boss- the last one left pretty much the day that I came back on leave. Is this good or bad? I am not sure yet, but one of the first things he asked me is if I wanted to stick around for an extra year. I did the polite thing and did not laugh in his face.

2. We have Physical Training (PT) five times a week. At 5 am. In the interest of following along with the number five theme, I am going to take five fingers and a palm and smack whoever came up with this idea.

3. We have a mandatory work day of 0730-1930 every day except Sunday, which is 1400-1930. This? This I am fine with because I was already working those hours and more anyway. So, meh.

4. Lest you think this will all be complaints, I have some good news. Actually, it is great news. When I left, I was the only person in my whole shop. While I was gone, I got FIVE new people in. It is almost too wonderful for words. I am back to being the dumbest person in the place, but I guess that was true when I was here by myself too, huh?

5. It got HOT here. It is about 100 degrees most days. That is one thing, but it also causes the "100 Days of Wind" basically because the big bowl of the mountains acts like a convection oven so at about 11am, the wind starts blowing at at about 15 mph and just goes up from there. By 6 or so, the flagpoles are being bent nearly in half, and I even saw one of the flags get ripped right off of the line and take off towards Pakistan.

6. Remember General Order #1? The "no drinking, no sex" one? Well, it has been updated.

"Personnel are prohibited from entering the living space of the opposite sex, with the exception of personnel married to each other, unless for official military business. If entry is required for official military business, the door must remain open at all times.

Sex. Sexual relations in a deployed environment have a degrading effect of unit cohesion, morale, good order and discipline, and jeopardizes unit readiness as well as mission accomplishment. Therefore, sexual relations and intimate behavior between individuals not married to each other are prohibited."

Again, not something that changes my life, but I still find this to be very silly. Did they not watch Starship Troopers? That was the best army in the history of cinema!

What did that kid in Poltergeist say?

Ah Afghanistan! How I did not miss you one bit! Just a quick post to let you all know that I made it back safely, and thank you to everyone for making my trip home just fantastic. I can't wait to be back again, this time for good. See you in January, or so.

Running Is Nothing But Trouble

So, apparently, the Army wants us to be "in shape" and apparently if you are unable to eat without starting to sweat, they start doubting your fitness. In my defense, those 64 slices of American cheese were very heavy. So, the way that they test you is the Army Physical Fitness Test. It is as many pushups as you can do in two minutes, then two minutes of situps and a two mile run. Each event has a scale of 0-100 points, but like in high school, you have to get at least 60 points to pass. So, two of us took it the other day. I finished the first two events and then we moved on to the run.

As I have mentioned before, there are a lot of mines here, so they do demining all the time. When they do it near the perimeter road, they close it to all traffic including runners. When we went out there to start, they were not operating yet, so we asked if we had 20 minutes- plenty of time to run a mile out and come back. Sure, no problem, they say. The mile out goes well, but as we get about 1/2 mile from the end, we see caution tape stretched across the road. Jeff is a minute or two ahead of me at this point, and no silly piece of vinyl will deter him. He jumped the tape, despite the engineer's protests. And while they may not go chase him down, I present a second chance for this gentleman to complete his mission of closing the road.

"Stop right there! The road is closed!"
"But, he kept going!"
"Yes, but you will not."

Can't argue with that. So, noticing that I was almost exactly 1/2 mile from the end, I just ran 1/4 mile back the way I came and then came back to the caution tape. I was tempted to break through it, humming the Chariots of Fire theme, but it was down and the road was open by that point. The distance was inexact, and I kept my own time, so is it officially official? No, not really. But it is good enough for government work.

The Vacation Countdown Has Begun!!!

So we are down to 1 Month!
31 Days!
5 Steak Nights, and that even includes tonight!

So, to help the time go a little faster, Laura has sent me a mystery package. One empty photo book and 30-some sealed manila envelopes.
All I know for now is that some of you (you know who you are) have come together to spell out a message with pictures involving one letter each. So far, it says "HIP" and has featured Nat eating some cardboard, "The Running Gluck" and Judy having her own Groundhog Day (Don't drive angry!)

This is great, and I cannot wait to see what the next 30 days hold. And, of course I will be bringing it home with me so that people can see the finished product! I will post which ones I have gotten in the comments, so keep looking to see if yours arrived!

Oh, and if you are participating in the photo message book, you also likely have played in one of the scavenger hunt, or are at least aware of the zombie theme of the second one and the Thriller "dance" number. Well, it hurts to say, but these cats are better dancers than Adam, Dennis and me combined.So, I should be home from around the 13th or so until the 27th of June. See you then!

UPDATE- 13 June
So, you already know about
H-I-P
but the new additions to the puzzle are:

a- Chrissy, either doing a Fonzie thumbs-up with the "aaaaaaay" or since she is wearing a mortarboard and college polo shirt, possibly referencing her grades at Notre Dame. This also marks the first lowercase letter.

T- Angie using cardboard letters on a beach, which I am told is somewhere in Dundalk (Since when does the 'Dalk have a beach?) to make a nice pop culture reference. "Waaaaaaalt!"

G- Kathleen, drawing in the California beach sand (I assume.) This enigmatic message now stretches across the country!

HIPaTG. Hmmmm...

UPDATE- May 15
The latest additions both involve letters on peoples' chests, but unfortunately it was Tom playing Skins and Kara playing Shirts.

"E" Tom, your mom must be so proud that you made the papers.

"T" Kara, what is the story behind the "T" shirt? Is it that it is a t-shirt? Oh. It is. In honor of me explaining that joke, I will give you one of Stine's favorite jokes.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Control Freak... Now YOU say control freak who?

See, it is funny because...

UPDATE- May 24th
So, apparently I have been taking too long in posting this, and have fallen behind a word or two. But just know that opening these is the first thing I do in the morning, and it is a great way to start every day.

"R"- Cori apparently predicted that I would go for the pirate theme in the evite. Yum, yum, rum.

"E"- John looking nearly as pimpalicious as my faux-gold plated cell phone. No, really. I think it loves the 70's. "Wu-Tang! Diversify Your Bonds!"

"A"- Katie, wearing the greatest hardhat I have ever seen

"D"- Momma Mayes, dancing with the cast of Madagascar, although for a kids' movie, that lion really looks like it is about to decapitate that monkey. With its teeth.

"Y"- Mike- I am sure that if there was a letter "X" anywhere in this message, he and his 360 would have gotten it.

"I"- Heather, who I would think was getting ready to bring people an episode of Sesame Street, going so far as to actually dress as the letter, but I do not think that Grover would teach kids to win at the expense of the team. You must be thinking of Peyton Manning volunteering with the United Way.

"T"- Carrie's Tea Party, including the fancy hat. Fancy a spot o' tea, guvnah? No? Fake cockney accents are not funny anymore? But... the tea! OK. We have had T-shirt and T-party. What is next? T-time? Mr T? Curtis, I am looking your way!!!!

"S"- Rick is a master of Photoshop. Like, seriously good. Don't cross him, or he may paint your face into something really unpleasant. Such as the cast of Two and a Half Men. [shiver]

UPDATE- 31 MAY (12 days! Woo Hoo!)

"A"- Liz, your shameful attempt at winning best photo by putting my own dog front and center will not succeed. For shame! But awwwww.

"L"- Curtis, you're showing the two sports that, if played here, would be most likely to result in land mine interaction.

"M"- Laura- Looking mighty fine in a t-shirt with what can only be described as a duck with a grenade in his hand on it. Plus! The Yuengling! Oh yes, I am but a few days away from one of those too.

"O"- Bryan- Randy's donuts! That looks good enough to stop a monorail!

"S"- George- All he needs is three more people, and he can spell out SEXY. I call dibs on "Y". Unlike the "X", no one will see it as a target and punch me in the stomach.

"T"- Joshua, what are you trying to say? You want to take me out for cheesesteaks? OK, twist my arm. Wiz wit!

HI PAT, GET READY, IT'S ALMOST!!!!

JUNE 4th UPDATE

"J"- I always knew Jen thought of herself as a princess.

"U"- What a lovely picture of my mom. Even she has to be happy with this one. Plus? Topiary!

"N"- To Kristin, Liberty starts with N! Actually, she has followed the trend of people living in PA using real PA landmarks. Mmmm, bell.

"E"- Stine, in a pose that says he should be painted on the side of a WWII bomber.

JUNE 6! The time and the words are getting shorter!
"S"- Sarah- Somehow Pirates just keep reappearing within our circle of friends. Yar, indeed. And just remember, when life gives you scurvy, make lemonade! (Not green Starburst)

"E"- T White and Laura D. White E? Whatever could this riddle mean?

"E" Kristi and the foundations of flip cup. Table, cups, and beer. Such a simple design, is it any wonder we love the game so?

"Y" Jason- Y? Oh! WHYYYYYYYYY? Heh. Platoon rocked.

"O" LT, it cannot bode well for your marriage that you and Josh are fighting about which is the superior cheesesteak place. The Geno's vs Pat's debate has broken more than one home.

"U" Steve, is that another "Y"? Ohhhh.

"S"- Megan shows that spinoffs can go completely mad, from Superman to Supergirl to Retro-20's Supergirl. What you decided not to go the body paint route like George?

"O"- Lucy demonstrating her greatest talent

"O"- Yateses- The award for "furthest traveled" clearly goes to the Yateses (Yates? Is the plural the same, like deer?)

"N"- Laura- the creator, the organizer. My favorite destination at my final destination. Wonderful job.

Thank you to everyone that participated. This is simply great (I have overused the word "awesome") and I love it.

My Desk

So, this is what I see each day when I sit at my desk.

Some of the things you may notice are:
1) Many Hello Kitty postcards (My sister, Kathleen)
2) A shirt that says "I am here for the party" which has gotten many laughs from people stopping into my "office" (Moriah and Ken)
3) A "The Slomin's Shield" insurance company magnet (Mo and Ken)
4) Photo of Laura and I and of the 2006 BSSC Football Team (Laura)
5) Cards from MD, PA, FL, DE, LA- both Los Angeles and Louisiana (Various awesome people)
6) Frolf comic strip. Heh (Kristin M.)
7) Valentine's Day card that says "Always be alert!" inside. (A frighteningly aware third grader from Ohio named Alita.)
8) Card from a Cub Scout Pack in New Albany, Ohio that was in a care package to "Any Soldier, Afghanistan."
9) Wedding day photo of LT and Josh

The common theme? I know a lot of thoughtful people. Thank you to everyone who has sent me letters, email, postcards, prayers or even just good vibes. They are always always appreciated. There are way way more than are on the wall here, (because you all are awesome) so if you do not see your card up here, it is just that I ran out of magnets. Perhaps I should not have used so many on creating...

...Baseball Standings! You may be saying to yourself, "Those are all wrong!" Well, these were my pre-season predictions/hopes. You will notice that the Phillies and Reds are at the top of the NL East and Central and that the stinking Blue Jays who beat the Phils in '93 in the World Series are the bottom of the AL East. Yes, I still hold a grudge because the next year was the strike, and I have not felt the same way about baseball ever since. Not everything is personal though- some are just smart calls. For example, the Royals being at the bottom of the AL Central, and the Cubs already being eliminated from the post season. I update these every day as a part of my morning routine. Climb the ladder, Phillies! Or if not you, then the Mets! Just not the Braves! Never the Braves!

See You At The Party, Richter.

So, there is a town/city/village here named Deh Chopa. Given that most vowel sounds here are the long version, it is pronounced like Arnold saying "The chopper!" As in "Run! Get to the choppah!" If you have no idea what I am talking about, go watch Predator. I assure you, it will be much funnier.

And here is one bit of trivia:

Predator blood = KY jelly and the stuff from inside of glow-sticks. Awesome.

And I Raaaaan...

So, many places, around Thanksgiving, have a run which they call a Turkey Trot. That is not how we roll here. We have a Global War on Terrorism run, called a GWOT Trot. Plus, we add a chili cookoff to the festivities.

Given that we need to be at work, and that it is already getting really hot here, the run happened at 630am. This meant that the cookoff happened at 8am. Mmmm, nothing like spicy chili for breakfast. There were two running options- 5K (3.1 miles) and 10K (6.2). As is often the case, my mouth got me in trouble because either I challenged someone to do 10, or they did the same to me, or someone called me "chicken" but like I was saying, I opened my big mouth and it resulted in me running six miles.

I did not however get the shirt that I was supposed to because they ran out. So, they did not have shirts for the people that pre-registered, but they did for those that signed up that day. I think that makes the kind of sense that is non. This is why there are supposed to be TWO lines! Ah well, no big deal, I am supposed to get it sent to me in another week or two.

As for the run itself? Well, the highlight was probably the team of contractors who made "The Anna Nicole Smith Memorial Team" shirts. Hee. The lowlight was getting smoked by my 50-something Colonel, and by Jeff (who you may remember from football highlights) who has not run since getting here, yet still managed to pass me in the last quarter mile. I guess some people are meant to be runners, some are meant to hold out cups of water. Me? I will be at the next one holding out cups of hot coffee, because I am a jerk.

Milestone!- April 12, 2007

This is for the sabremetricians and countdown timers out there.

So, April 10th was my 100th day in Afghanistan. I have been gone from home for 158 days.


As of today, the 12th, I have 60 days left until I come home on vacation. Or, 1453 hours. Or, 87,200 minutes. Or, 5 million seconds, give or take.

Just call me Dilbert.

To catch up those who do not know what my job is here, I make sure that the computers and communications systems work for the couple of hundred people I work with. This often gets extended into anything that runs on electricity (copiers, shredders, cameras) but one that makes sense is the Video Teleconferences (VTCs) we have here, all the time. So, these sometimes have technical difficulties- the picture freezes up, the call does not go through and so I come over and fix it, or call someone that can fix it. Yesterday was one of these times.

"Why is the VTC not working?"

"I... I don't know yet, let me check."

I walk over, getting chewed out the whole way. I arrive to a room full of people looking at a black TV screen. I press POWER. The screen immediately filled with other people wondering why we were talking, but not responding to what they were saying. Yes, the TV... was off. Now, some would call me a hero. Some would call me a jerk. I prefer to just be called "Dilbert."

Football Part 2

So, we had a second game the same day, but it was not nearly as exciting, so I will just put in a highlight reel... of ME!!!! Graceful? Check! Blinding speed? Double check!! And I in no way look like I am about to fall over when I make my "athletic moves." I even juked two people, which had nothing to do with slippery conditions or them overestimating my speed and missing ahead of where I actually was. Perhaps someone in the NFL should see this and sign me up immediately.Yeah, you know you love it.

This was the end of the fun, as football was cancelled forever once my boss heard about what happened to Ted. This is about how that "conversation" went. [From Remember the Titans]

You're smiling.
Yes.
Yes, sir. Why are you smiling?
'Cause I love football. Football is fun.
Fun, sir? It's fun?
Yes.
You sure?
I think...
Now you're thinkin'. First you smile, then you thinkin'. You think football is still fun?
Uh, yes.
Sir.
Yes- no, sir.
No?
Um, it was fun.
Not anymore though, is it? *Is* it?
Not right now, no.
No, it's not fun anymore. Not even a little bit.
Uh... no.
Make up your mind. Think since you're thinking. Go on, think. Is it fun?
No, sir.
No? Absolutely not?
Zero fun, sir.

Earthquake!

So there I am at breakfast, and all of a sudden the coffee in my cup starts sloshing about. I tell the person I am there with to stop shaking the table. He is not. In fact, my chair is kind of shaking too. And the walls. And everything. Was that a quiet plane flying low (actually, that happens here from time to time and shakes things right off the walls... not quietly, of course)? Are some people outside pushing on the walls of the building? Everything here is kind of flimsy, so that is not too ridiculous of a thought. Nope, it was an earthquake! Forgive me for my foolish suggestions, because this was the first time I had ever been in one, so I really had no idea what it was at the time.

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/eqcenter/recenteqsww/Quakes/us2007asas.php

Here is the info on it. Apparently what I felt was about a 3.0 or so. Stine is probably commenting that that should have barely ruffled my sundress, so let me respond that I am not saying it was anything bad, just... very odd. Definitely nothing I have experienced before. I will hold off on calling it totally cool until I hear if anyone got hurt. Hmm, I don't have any pictures to go along with this post. Let me see if I have any that are taken out the window of a moving car on a bumpy road...

I'm famous!- March 21, 2007

Hey! I made it to the BSSC Update Email! Thanks Adam and Mike!
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(From the 21 March BSSC Mailing List Email) http://www.baltssc.com/
BSSC MEMBERS OVERSEAS

I just received this request from a member and it would be my honor to send what equipment is needed.
If you know of anyone overseas with request for sports equipment, PLEASE contact me so I can fill it.

"Pat Hoffman is a member of the BSSC, and he is currently serving an Army tour at Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan, so he's missing out on the latest sports seasons.

However, the BSSC is not far from his mind. Pat has taken the initiative to start a five man touch football league on his base, pitting the various branches and divisions against one another. Plus, his next recreational undertaking is to try and start some informal pickup kickball games with the personnel on base, including possibly having a small league as well.
That said, while the army supplies footballs to the troops, they're not so good on requisition kickball's and bases. If you had any extra equipment that you might be willing to part with that would be great.
Thanks, Adam
******************

Please take a second to pray for our men/women overseas and their families. It's not getting easier over there and I hope they come home soon.
Good Bless America !
Mike Cray
owner BSSC/ANNSSC　
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Awesome. For anyone not familiar with it, BSSC is a Baltimore-area team sports (kickball, softball, football, dodgeball, etc.) league so that we former "athletes" can relive our glory days, especially our 5th grade glory in kickball, and have a non-5th grader-like beer afterwards with the teams we just played. It is pretty great. So, thank you to Mike for your kind offer, and thanks to Adam for bringing this to the BSSC's attention.

Update 19: Football!- March 25, 2007

FOOTBALL!!!!

So I started a football league. There were 4 teams- Army, Civilians from the Department of the Army and Department of Defense, Civilian Contractors, and AECOM, which is a major company that does a lot of the work around here.

We were supposed to start on the 11^th, but it rained

Then we were going to play on the 18^th… but it poured

So, on the 24^th, the forecast for the next day was sunny, the field was swept and we were ready to go…

…until the boss from AECOM said that his team would not be playing. Why? Who knows? What is important is that we were down to three teams, and instead of fourth, the DACs would now come in third. I mean, what is important is that everyone will still want to play, so one team will have to play twice. On to the first game!

Game 1: Military vs DACs

The DACs jumped out to an early lead on a TD scamper by Bill. Yes, that is me getting dusted.

But then the military team, like in the Battle of the Bulge, came roaring back…

…mostly because no one can catch LT Lester (our version of John Albers), who somehow broke out of this pile with all flags intact using Barry Sanders-like spins for the tying TD…

…and who also made catches like Jerry Rice to take the lead (bye bye Rick)

Everyone was having a great time until… BOOM!

Yup, that is me colliding with Ted, our Safety Officer (ironic, no?) I caught a buttonhook and turned upfield. That is when it all went wrong. Basically, my big forehead, as seen in other pictures, ran into his cheekbone. He got the worse end of the deal, with a fractured orbit and zygomatic arch (aka cheekbone- see those Anatomy classes come in handy some times) while I escaped unscathed. He was ok though, and just sat a few plays before coming back in. Here is the “After” picture.

In a gutsy move (as a former marine, would you expect any less?), Ted came back in to score a TD, busted face and all, and it looked like the DAC team might make a comeback…

…but a huge defensive stand, led by CPT Cook sealed their fate.

Final Score: Military 18- DACs 12

But the more important thing is, people had a blast playing; even the ones that got injured said so. Cameraderie, clever trash talk, teamwork, and fun- we had them all. It was not quite the BSSC, as there was no flip cup afterwards, but what can you do. Game 2 and The Aftermath Coming Soon...