Hoff Fired It Off: UPDATE 9: January 7, 2006

So, all of these updates will be pretty back-dated, but that is what happens when you go to three countries in seven days and none of them have the same power outlets.

Update #9- Army Training, Sir! Fort Benning, GA.

This is the Individual Movement Training- basically “how to not get hit when someone is shooting at you. So, the theory is, put a bunch of smoke between you and them so they cannot see you coming. However, if you do not have the best arm, then you just end up breathing in the smoke as you drop the grenade right in front of you. Thankfully we did not do a frag grenade course.

Army First Aid- This is what I would look like, should I get a head wound. Notice the blank stare, how clear it is that there is just nothing going on upstairs. These are classic signs. Also, the first aid packs they give us have been totally updated with bandages from Israel (b/c they know all about wounds) and a tourniquet you can put on yourself (but not for head wounds) but the best thing is the painkiller they include. Vioxx. You know, the one they took off the market because it was killing people? Yeah. Maybe they can get some Phen-Phen for us fat people too.

9mm Pistol Range- So you get ten rounds to shoot at whatever targets you want to get familiar with the pistol and then 40 rounds for 40 targets. It is not that hard to pass, I think you only needed like 19. The difficult thing is remembering that I have a real gun with real bullets in it on my hip. Sometimes I bump it into something, and I am like “Ack! Gun! Gun!” like Clint Eastwood in In The Line Of Fire. Also, there was also an IED kind of class where they taught us about booby traps and land mines and trip wires. Unfortunately, at three different times, the person next to me? Set one off. Lesson learned? Pick my friends better