So, I have departed!... for... other parts of Georgia today. For those keeping track on big maps on their walls with pushpins and yarn, I am now at Fort Benning and should be here for about a week . However, I do know now that I will be stationed at Bagram Air Force base in Afghanistan and my mailing address there will be:
CPT Patrick Hoffman (Det 5)
APO AE 09354
Total boo, they are going to give me anthrax AND smallpox vaccinations, even though I am probably safer from that than those of you that live in the DC area. Oops, that was a classified briefing, so, um... forget I said anything. Also, I am going to be administered malaria pills, so with all of these weird things, do not be surprised if I turn colors or glow in the dark when I get back.
Even more awesome Army wisdom- they spent $600 to fly me from Augusta to Atlanta to Columbus, GA, but chose not to pay for me to go to Illinois for training on what I will be doing overseas. Oh, did I mention that the trip to Benning took 6 hours by plane, but would have been 4 hours on a bus? They totally get an E for Efficiency.
Oh, speaking of travel, I must tell you about the cab driver that took me to the airport today. He was a Vietnam vet, white hair, a little ways past overweight, and he proceeded to tell me (in a very loud voice, even though I was right next to him) about how soldiers these days are nothing compared to when he was in, about how female soldiers have ruined the Army, and how you should still be able to beat the crap out of someone that talks back to you. In the midst of taking a breath between rants, he pulled out a toothpick he had stored in the car's visor, stuck it in his ear, rooted around a little, and then cleaned the toothpick off by STICKING IT IN HIS MOUTH. I spent the rest of the trip looking out the window and fighting the urge to gag. I ended up giving him a twenty on a $15 bill because I just needed to get out of there, so basically I gave him a 30% tip for being a loud gross jerk.
My favorite purchase of the last few days (of which there have been many in preparing to leave) has to be scented candles. I was warned by someone in Afghanistan that they are "a little gay", but apparently that place smells like poo, and a little piney-freshness can improve one's mood after a hard day of work.
Thank you all for your book recommendations, and here is one for you- Friday Night Lights. The book, the movie and the show? Are all awesome, and you should all check them out, even if you do not care that much for football, because they are so much more than that.
Merry Christmas, and I'll talk to you soon (maybe from a different country!) -Pat
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