Move

The move is complete, and has been for a little while now, but I now live in Virginia! Here is a picture of the truly ridiculous 6 bedroom house that I now occupy a small part of. Isn't it awesome? It helps that it is a really nice day here today. There are currently four other people living here, the owners and two renters, but one is moving out by the end of the month. Carrie pointed out that it just may be the nicest house I ever live in. Shall I be ruined at such a young age? Or will it inspire me to do as well myself?

It is on a cute quiet little cul-de-sac, and is all of three miles from work, so I will not have to suffer through the horrors of DC traffic every day. Yay! My new address is 414 Sugarland Meadow Drive, Herndon, VA 20170

I am living in the basement room for now as the guy who is moving out is currently in the room that I am moving into. But this is a good thing, as I get the giant and more private room at a discount rate until he goes.



The move went remarkably well, but that may have to do with the fact that I have more friends than I have stuff. Plus, these same friends are easily bribed by the siren song of free pizza. So thanks to Carrie, Adam 1 and 2, LT, Josh and Megan for helping, and Dennis for coming in at the end to take some of the pizza away.

Guitar Hero

This is a filler post while I put the one together about my move. But yes, I have been playing a lot of GH3, and have almost beaten it on Medium. I think I am topping out though- adding that 5th button in seems to be beyond me, and looking at what it plays like on expert? Well, that is just a foray into madness.

This one is for Maggie...

...because we share a love of all things Zombie-related and find them endlessly amusing.

(as posted by Adam Stine on "See You At The Party, Richter!)

"Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton of Portal's "Still Alive" fame. Somebody made a video using WoW, but really it's the song that is the stuff.

I am back off of Unemployment...

...or at least I will be in another week or three when my job with Lockheed Martin starts!

I am going to be a computer guy, though hopefully less Dilbert than my Army Computer Guy job, because we all remember how that turned out. (Or, if you do not remember how that turned out...) http://patrickhoffman22.blogspot.com/2007/04/just-call-me-dilbert.html Did I just link to myself? I hope that is not like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters.

The job is in Reston, Virginia, and I will probably start around the end of February. Yes, this means that I will have to move soon. Who wants to help meeeeeee?

Awwww...

Love in a time of geekiness.
http://xkcd.com/150/

No Dogs Allowed In The Cat Area!

As Stine pointed out, if that is not true the other way around, then that is just discriminatory, although one cat in the dog area might be a solidly traumatized feline.

Yes, we went to the Pet Expo in Timonioum this weekend, and it was awesome. From the doggie agility drills to the wee turtles, it was just a fun time. There was a miniature horse demonstration with a tiny chariot and tiny obstacles to jump over. Plus, the MC on the mike? Was totally mean to her demonstrators. At one point she definitely said "Sometimes it is the horse you have to train, and sometimes it is the trainer." But like, all nasty. I don't know, maybe you had to be there. On the plus side? Adorable golden retrievers (and every other kind of dog you could imagine)!


Also awesome? They had plates of nachos the size of a Newfoundland's head. See?

One Meat!

So, I know I am back and all, but I still may throw an Army story or two in here, you know, when I remember them, if I think they are still amusing. Here is one from Georgia, after I got back:

At the Dining Facilities in Afghanistan, you can eat all you want of everything they have. We think KBR gets paid by the pound, so of course they will do that. Well, once we came back to the states, it was "what have you done for me lately?"

The first morning, I go to breakfast and ask for some sausage, bacon and pancakes. The lady behind the counter says:
"One meat."
"What?"
"You can only have one meat."
"Why?"
"[glare]"
"Sigh."
OK, sure. Maybe it is a cost-cutting measure. Maybe it is a health thing. I don't know. But seriously? Boo.

Later that day, it was time for lunch, and what were they having? Veal parmigiana and pasta, so I say great, I will have that. I was given a breaded meat patty and dry spaghetti. "Uh, can I get some sauce on that?"
"No, that is MEAT sauce and you only get one meat, we have been over this."
"But... but... it is SAUCE. Ok, can I just have some tomato sauce then?"
"No, we don't have that."
"Sigh."

Breakfast again. I have a plan.
"Can I have some bacon and a biscuit w/ gravy?"
"No, the gravy is sausage gravy, thus meat, and as we have discussed, you can only have one meat."
"I hate you."
"Yes sir, I know you do."

Well, it's official.

http://scrubs.mopnt.com/fun/personality/

You are...J.D.
A.K.A. "The Dork"
Hello? Yoo-hoo! Hi! Say, have you been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder? You've got your head in the clouds, my friend, but it helps make you a more interesting person. Your friends may think you're a bit of a dork, and you may make the wrong decisions on occasion, but you're a sweet, happy person who's on the right track in life. You may want to hire a bodyguard, though...you're the type to attract stalkers.

Yeah, I guess I should have seen that coming. Anyone else want to share their results?

Reflections on American Gladiators

Ask anyone- I was extremely psyched for the return of American Gladiators. I figured it would either be the super cheese of my childhood ("He must have had the gods with him because no man can beat Nitro alone."), or really kick ass athletic competition. Either way, awesome. However, it turned out to be more like a mix of The Apprentice and the WWE with all the annoying things that go along with each. God-awful trash talk, pitiful announcers, sappy background stories, and endless replays of "significant" events.

Good things? I like that the winning two will be offered jobs as Gladiators for next season, should they want them. Just imagine that self-described "spider monkey" on future promotional materials. That? That's all I got.

Bad. Ok, this is going to take longer. First, you are not allowed to refer to something as someone's "signature move"on the first episode of a show. Second, the injuries- that damned toilet paper salesperson and her knee, or high ankle sprain or whatever? Shown over and over as she just bit it, with no one around her, jogging back to get a ball? Clearly she should be on a roll-about or in the Giants' backfield. Then one of the Gladiators played half of one event and was out? And of course it was Militia, the "army boy." Between him and the Marine girl that busted her head open on the fire pipe and then lost, it was not a proud day for the military. I would love it if they had snarky announcers, but failing that? Some kind of play by play. Is Joe Theismann still available? Bubby Brister? No?

Anyway, I think it is unlikely that I will be watching again other than out of pure desperation for something to do. Sorry Hellga!


Come back Malibu, Lace, Gemini, Zap, Nitro, and Sunny! We miss you!

NFL Playoffs

Man, just about nothing went right with the playoffs this week. Pretty much every team that I was pulling for lost. The exception was the Jags/Steelers game where I liked both teams (mostly by proxy for Stine and Dan) so that was kind of a wash, but really? The Giants won? Sigh. At least I am guaranted to watch either the Cowboys or Giants lose this weekend, so that is something to look forward to, right?

On the positive side of things, I had a great time watching all my teams lose, both at the McD's and Meatapalooza. I think something like 10 people were at each place, along with an excess of wonderful food. I mean, my digestive system will clearly be angry at me for a long time, because other than mutton? I think I had every other type of meat in those two days. And it was glorious. Oh, and I played Guitar Hero for the first time ever, and I am totally hooked. Am I on the bandwagon a little late? Meh. Oh, and never match up against George or Angie in that game- they are ridiculously good. I hear rumors that Angie got a 100% on one song? But that is not physically possible, is it?

Kristin and Mike's Wedding

Happy New Year everyone!
I hope you all had as nice of a time as I did at Kristin McCallum's wedding. This is the one and only picture I have of the couple (I neglected to bring my own camera, so I had to bum all my pics off of others.)
Somehow Kristin managed to talk a Catholic priest into doing a wedding in a hotel (and one connected to a skanky heiress, no less) but apparently he is retiring, so he has ceased to wory too much about some of the smaller stuff, and he totally did an awesome job.

Then, on to cocktail hour with its martini bar. Having very little experience with said drink other than "appletini, easy on the -tini," I decided to put my fate in the capable hands of George the bartender. He mixed and shook and gave me a vaguely tan colored drink that was just great. I asked him what it was, and apparently it was a "George special" which I think means "whatever was in arm's reach." I suggested this to others, but the second version did not go so well. They came back with a similar looking drink, but it seems that the vanilla vodka had been substituted by Absolut PEPPAR! It was... not good.

Following that debacle, things went very nicely. Food, drinking, dancing. Did I mention they played Thriller? I could only remember like 3 of the steps though- for shame. Oh, and there were Wedding Crashers there too- I think it was two girls? Well, Kristin totally gave them the boot, told the hotel personnel not to let them back in, and went back to having fun like it had never happened. I was totally impressed with her not letting some foolish people ruin her night.
It was an awesome time. Thanks to Kristin and Mike for inviting me, and I look forward to hanging out when you get back.

And since the fans demand it. Here is a picture of me. Oh yeah, you know you love it.

Returned To Sender

What an awful trip back. 4 days in Kuwait with nothing to do (although that was ok by me), but then they lost my bags on the way to Georgia, ran me through a painfully inefficient outprocessing, and shipped me on home with 15 minutes notice that my ride to the airport was leaving. Plus, I got in right around midnight after my flight was delayed, so poor Josh and Laura were forced to stay up late to retrieve/entertain me. [Thanks guys!] If I did not have such a nice goal waiting for me, [getting to come home and being done with Army], it would have been intolerable.

It really is surprising how hard it is to let go of the whole thing. From the people who I will miss, to turning over my section that I was in charge of to someone else, I think I developed stronger ties than I realized. Well, I think I can find some distraction in trying to find a job, find a place to live (and choose a city, for that matter.) Any suggestions?

For those who are interested- I got my Army awards too. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing. Anyone who does not know what I am talking about should clearly start watching Arrested Development.


Ciao! -(Non-Combat) Pat

It's The Final Countdown!

I have left Afghanistan for the last time (we hope!) Now it is a little while in Kuwait, a little while in Georgia, and then it is all done. Yay!

See you soooooon!

Wonderful news! Barring anything truly ridiculous, I will be home by Christmas! Yay! The replacement me is on the way here (but let's be honest, who could ever replace me?) and we are making the arrangements to come back to the states. I will still have to go through Kuwait and Fort Benning, GA again, so I don't have an exact date, but I do know it will be after the middle of the month, but before Christmas.

One note, I will not be here all that much longer, so if anyone has any more mail to send, if it is not on the way already, I would just hold onto it so I do not pass by it in transit. Now if I can just find some way to send this land mine home as a souvenir...

Ah Qatar!

Now some might think that, like there is no crying in baseball, there is no vacation in war, but let me assure you, there is, and mine was spent in a place where the beer flows like wine- Qatar.

Even if this had only been a chance to not work and wear civilian clothes for four days, it would have been awesome, but they do not stop there. With a three beer a day ration and fun little trips you can sign up for, clearly they can only get people to leave by force. I chose the "go to the beach trip."
It started off with a trek across the sand dunes at a pace which can only be described as "ludicrous." I believe at one point, we went plaid. This experience was made all the more interesting by being in the not- really- secured-to-the-floor backseat.





Then, we crested the last dune to see the Persian Gulf below. I went swimming, got stung by a jellyfish (a little one, so it barely even registered), played a little volleyball (with the tour guides who took it a little too seriously) and ate kabobs for lunch. It was a just plain nice day.

















The next day I ran into a friend of mine that I was stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas with last time I was doing this Army gig. She is stationed in Qatar, which means she was allowed to take me off post. We went to the mall (exciting, I know!) and while it was really just like one in the states in so many ways, it was so very different. The men in their white robes, the women in their black burquas, all the signs being in English and Arabic, but with the same logos and models. Very surreal. To clear my head, I decided to go to the indoor ice skating rink.
Which is next to the camel ferris wheel.

Another odd thing about Qatar? The population is only about 30% Qatari, the rest being third country nationals, mostly from India and the Philippines, who do all the work. And instead of income tax? The government pays the Qataris a certain percentage of the oil revenue each year.Oh, and along the way? I saw this giant oyster.
Awesome.

I think that sums it all up- feel free to create your own moral to the story.Bye!

I'm a hero...

...but not like from the show.

So you know how I was working my butt off? Well, someone noticed. I think the best line of this is "cheerfully accepted the challenge." Not only did I get this MVP of the week-type thing, I got a real award too- an Army Achievement Medal that I can wear on my dress uniform and everything.

Another thing in the military is commander's coins. Well, my boss got new ones made and I got the first one. This is what they look like. Yes, yes, it is the previously unseen trifecta of Army goodness. As Gluck would say, "Without me, it is just aweso."



In other good news, while previously me making it home before Christmas was just not going to happen? Now, it has a chance. This is not to say that it WILL, it is just that it COULD. I'll know more in another month, and I'll keep you all updated.

Take care! -Pat

100 Hours Later

This is a formal apology to all those people that have written me emails or sent me mail in the last week or so. I just finished a week where I worked 100 hours. No, there was no balloon drop or flashing lights when I hit that milestone, just me falling asleep at my desk.

It is unlikely that this situation will get much better very soon- the reason I am doing so much is, in addition to my normal job, I am filling in for someone else who waited this long to go on vacation. (I think I would have gone quite mad if I had waited through 9 months of this place to take a break.) So, along with the group apology, I will also do a group thank you. Thank you! And I will be in touch soon. -Pat

US Army- So Easy A Caveman Can Do It

Hee hee. And below is me receiving what I like to call a Certificate of Respiration from a 4 star General. It is really a Certificate of Appreciation, but it was given to just about everyone that has managed to keep breathing, so meh.I know it has been a really long time since my last update, so I hope no one was worried. It is just that if I thought I was busy before, now it is about triple. Apparently I did something right once so they decided to see just how many things I can handle all at once. As of one day next week, I will be: Acting Commander, Acting Executive Officer, Communications Officer, and project lead on three major operations. I should have known this would happen if I kept telling them how awesome I am.






Also, I have been traveling a bunch too. Here is a picture out the tailgate of a Chinook helicopter that I took a flight on. (I am aware the date stamp is wrong.) That guy is the tail gunner, and he is strapped in with a belt. The other picture is what a Chinook looks like from the outside. To give you an idea of how big it is, that is a Humvee it is picking up.



Our flight was really early in the morning, and then takeoff got delayed, so I actually ended up sleeping on the runway itself while they were prepping the helicopter for the flight. But not to worry, I got to the choppah.

Hope to hear from you soon! -Pat

The Emotional Stages of a 12 Month Deployment

This is the pamphlet that they gave us upon arriving about what to expect while we are here. I had not looked at again until now, and it is awesome. Some is true for me, some not so much, but there is plenty of ridiculousness too. So, instead of me making snide comments all over it, I am going to give you the chance! Just leave your mockery in the comments. There is plenty to make fun of in this, so go nuts. (This is copied verbatim, so all grammar/spelling errors go with a [sic])

1. Honeymoon: Excitement of the NEW! Like going to Disneyland

2. Wilting: Excitement wears off- loneliness- feel the separation from familiar luxuries (the family, civilian clothes, Mini-Van, etc.) One solution: Make sure you make yourself write to family.

3. Leveling: You realize that you're going to live through the tour- begin to adjust and get a routine (get your bearings) Solution: Set goals for work, PT, courses, etc.

4. 4th Month Slump: You're tired of the grind of the 12 to 18 hour days- gets old- physically, emotionally exhausted. You've realized you just can't work the deployment away. You've just got to find something else to do. Solution: Find positive recreational activities- Holy Scripture studies, AA meetings, sports, crafts, movies, music, etc.

5. Midpoint: You know everything is downhill from here. Mid-tour approach- encourage to take a leave/pass even if brief and only in country. Recommend we find some sort of pass program even if it is merely to CAS where a brief refresher can occur so individual can get their second wind.

6. Post Mid Tour Blues: One of the most difficult things you'll ever do is return to the whirlwind workplace (for formal long unaccompanied tour, this is to leave the family a 2nd time.)

7. Topping out: You can see the end- you are a double digit midget.

8. 11th Month Slump: You look back and have to face what you did with past 11 months- will you "tell all" at home; you're a different person than you were 11 months ago- will the family like the new you (fatter, thinner) will you like the new spouse- more independent- must face the changes- scary thinking of going home. Reintegration Reunion training prepares individual to face these issues and think them through and plan.

9. Home After Shock: Re-entry- like going back to real world you have to readjust your vocabulary... understand alcohol tolerance is down... family expectations will be high... different culture verses military only, etc.

Where have I been to?

In answer to some kind peoples' questions, yes, I was able to see the Transformers movie thanks to the wonders of bootlegging. It was actually a really good copy, so I was able to see all the genius of Michael Bay's directorial skills. My review? Well, for a movie about them, there was not nearly enough of the Transformers themselves. I think I was looking for something more like the show where there were some human characters, but they were totally secondary. Also? I loved that one of the main people was a Captain in Qatar. I am going there in a month or two (on a 4 day R and R pass) so I will keep an eye out for robotic scorpions.

I also picked up a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but it was filmed to dark and the camera operator's thumb was over the lens for the first five minutes, so it was more frustrating to watch than anything. Oh well, I will catch it when I get home.




The return flight was a completely different thing than the way down. First, here is the plane that I was on.





Smaller, with windows, and with a tailgate that they left OPEN for the whole flight. Also, the view was amazing because they flew all of 50 feet up. Holy frick! This is not a picture from takeoff, this is 20 minutes into the flight. It was pretty awesome.

That is about it for that trip- I made it back safely, and it was back to work. I was sent back with the first two season of Boston Legal by a guy that works down there. Any fans out there?

=Pat